Friday, October 22, 2010

Welcoming a new life...

A colleague and good friend of mine told me about it. Proud father of three boys and a great human, he asked me to be with my wife through the labour pain and delivery. I listened to his advice.I did. Didn't bat an eyelid, literally. I witnessed the arrival of our baby girl. It was an experience that has left me more prayerful/meditative.

Oh yes the family, the near and dear. It got them closer to their chosen 'Godheads'. The vibes couldn't be more synchronous, just outside the labour room. Like what you feel when you enter a temple, mosque, church or a dhamma hall. Nobody moved, nobody spoke a word. I was told later after delivery, quite a few in the family including my wife's little brother( well not really little, he is 25+) cried because he couldn't digest the screams of his sister. The lady, my wife is not known in the family for her screams or cries, she being a blessed child in her family. So it was all new - her cries and screams. Same for me. The last time I saw blood and a little bit of flesh was when I was holding my grandma's arms while she got stitches. She fell in the bathroom and got a deep cut in the arms. I rushed her to the hospital and the dear doc asked me to hold her arms while he stitched. No exaggeration here, I fainted, I was 14- 15 then.

It was a different situation here. I am more than twice the age since the last close encounter with hospital, blood flesh stitch etc...Past few months I was preparing mentally for this day - to be with my wife during the delivery. In India, its not a norm for the husband to be in the labour room, I had to get an 'exception' way ahead of time. Anyways back in the labour room, here I was talking to my wife repeating and coaxing her with whatever the doctor was advising. My wife was trying to read my face so as to assure herself all was well. After 5 hours of humbling time, the baby arrived. My wife had passed through stages of pain, pain and more pain to a state of indifference to the pain. The doctor asked the Pediatrician to show to kid to my wife. My wife is too subtle and restrained in expressing affection and love, I saw her take the baby's hand and kiss.  I knew this was a totally different relation. To me it just reiterated what I am told. That morning not one but two lives were born..I do have to mention I did see God that day, it was the doctor,though to her it was just another day/night in office, as she was 'wrapping up' - stitching the cuts, she was giving instructions to the nurses for her next 'case'. It was beautiful to see her take time to pray with the newborn in her hand standing close to my wife pleading and thanking God for His blessings. She reminded me who the boss was, it was not her, she was just the messenger.

When I call near and dear to pass on the good news I am asked 'Was it normal delivery?' 'Yes, it was' I reply with a thousand images flashing in my head that constituted  the 'normal' delivery. I smiled to myself and the smile had pain and gratitude.

I also sit and reflect on all the events upto the day of Satvika's arrival. Trying to lead a life of dhamma and remaining equanimous 'here and now' I have the greatest of challenge, every householder has. This one way love - the ''holy indifference' comes easy when I dont think of 'my' child as mine and sit with a heart filled with gratitude and think of all things around us that were conducive to welcome a new life. Satvika, as I write this is 6 days old and already she has so many people in her. She is indebted to so many people already. I could make a long list of all things that went right for her to arrive as a healthy, crying, smiling baby. I am not just referring to the doctors, nurses and the people near and dear. Its much, much more than that constitutes what Satvika is, that she needs to be grateful of.. and she is just 6 days old. The insight is enormous, for me to sit and contemplate. Living a life of detachment isn't easy for a householder but once we have the feeling of gratitude and humility, it sure gets easy.